We all know that God needs people in every area of
life. He calls us all to do different
things to help bring His kingdom on earth, and ministries take on very
different callings that make up a much larger picture as the gospel reaches all
types of people.
I think for the past few years my family has been doing a
very distinct sort of ministry. After
church on Sunday I was thinking, man I
really feel like our ministry is like crisis-management ministry.
So often at our church, we end up entering into the crisis
that people are experiencing. Those in
prison and recently released from prison tend to be dealing with extremely
broken family situations, homelessness and poverty issues, severe addictions
and spiritual baggage, and demons from childhood trauma. Many, when they first join our fellowship,
are distrusting because they deal with the wreckage of so many broken
relationships. They feel burdened by
guilt from their past and they wish they could start over.
What we do, who we love, how we love, and the stories we
hear, which are so intense at times—the sum of it can lead to exhaustion….it is
so good that we don’t have to do it alone and that God has been preparing us
for this in our journey.
On Sunday mornings after having a brief break following the
service, we get together in small groups to give people the chance to respond
to the message. I find that being a part
of these groups is very valuable to develop a heart for the inmates to whom we
minister. In the past, when I attended
the Northern Lighthouse but didn’t attend small groups, I wasn’t full of as
much grace for those attending from prison, who can at times be very offensive
to the “normal” churchgoer. (We have issues with people talking through the
worship music, giggling loudly during communion, kissing and holding hands
during the service…just things you wouldn’t think you would have to teach
people NOT to do at church. So many that
come have not been in church in a long time.)
However, when you are in a small group, at least when I am, my heart is
broken in a new way and all the “church etiquette faux pas” just aren’t as
important as the woman who is telling me about the abuse that led her down the
path to prison.
I have never taken an
actual survey, but from my experience I would say 95% of the inmates I have met
at our church have had some form of physical, verbal or sexual abuse in their
past. Many were physically beaten down,
screamed at, and violated when they were young.
I only really work with the women…but I sat at a table with nine women once,
and eight of them had been sexually abused in their past. I don’t think that this would be true at all
churches; I really hope it isn’t.
I experienced a glimpse of some the ways in which we have a
very distinct set of struggles at our church last Sunday. In my small group, I asked my ladies to share
an example of a time that God answered their prayers. I received many blank stares, so I instead
asked them to share something they were praying that God would do in their
lives. I finally got some answers. Most, if not all of their answers had to do
with pending parole dates. So many are
praying for a place to live when they get out of prison. Many are stressed about finding a landlord
who will rent to them and about the financial situation they will experience
when they get out. There is nothing that
makes me feel the need for more believers to help us than listening to inmates
talking about needing a home to parole to; If only I could place each one into
a healthy family/home! What an impact
that could make for all involved, the inmate and the family. Next up came a request for God to keep their
kids safe while they are away in prison.
As a mother, my heart aches for these moms who are away from their
children for so long, some of whom will never be reunited. While discussing around the circle, I had a
girl who wouldn’t share; she looked at me like, “I don’t believe any of this
God business,” but I could also see in her eyes that she had been so hurt,
there was no way she was going to trust a stranger. (I have been praying for her--if she keeps
coming, I will be very interested to see what she is like in a couple months.)
Lastly, one girl decided to answer my question about how God had answered her
prayers, but her story started with, “when my mom committed suicide…” She then went on to talk about how she
stopped praying for about a year and during that time she stopped being a good
mother to her three kids. She closed by
detailing how God put her in prison and said that it was an answer to prayer.
I ended group as I always do, by praying for these ladies
and as always I was overcome with the needs in that room.
After small groups we all meet back in the sanctuary for a
meal. We pick up our meal from a little window
in the kitchen and then we can sit at a round table of our choosing with about
five other people. As a leadership team
we have talked about how often the inmates just sit with inmates and how we
need to force some integration. So I
found a spot with some ladies that I didn’t know. I made some small talk while eating and
helping my five year-old eat. The woman
next to me started opening up with me about her life story. She said she has
been in prison twice, both times due to meth.
But this last time she asked herself why she kept going back to meth, and
she said she realized it was because she was molested by her father for years
as a young child. Through tears she explained
that that was why she was using drugs; it wasn’t the drugs that were that root
problem, it was her hurt from the pain of her childhood. She said this time when she gets out she
knows she needs to get counseling and if she can’t find anyone to pay for it
she just needs to read books about it. I
made sure I knew her name before I hugged her to say goodbye so she could get
back on the bus to the center. I have
prayed for her this week.
The sanctuary cleared out as the community vans left along
with the bus and soon it was just my kids and three other adults in the
building. I felt a bit drained but also,
that God has me at this church for a purpose--that this ministry is hard, but
that God is doing it. I am just the conduit, but if I could only get more
people to pray for us and our church, that it would help so, so much. I have struggled with feeling like we aren’t
doing it right or doing enough at times.
I think this comes from a misunderstanding of what our goal actually
is. My goal cannot be to “manage” their
crisis, instead my goal is to teach them how to lean on Jesus and HIS community
of people to help them get through the hard times. I want to come along side someone during the
dark times of their life and show them that they are not alone, that they are
loved by Jesus and God’s people, that they have NOT been forgotten. Many will turn back, many won’t get it the
first time around, but some will, they will start to understand God’s love for
them, who they are in Christ and they will make a change in the right
direction. But for some, even the
decision to follow Jesus won’t mean that suddenly they will be a stable
individual in society, or that they still won’t have “drama” in their
lives. If that is my goal, I will never
feel like I am doing it “right”. This
call is not about fixing people and situations, it is not about managing their
crisis, it is about loving them, IN the MIDDLE of it.
I was actually contemplating writing this article about the
intensity of our ministry when my phone rang.
“Anna?? Anna??? Is that you? Thank
God you answered your phone, Anna I am in crisis, I don’t know what to do,
please help me.” And we were off and
running into the most recent domestic dispute in our friend group. (I sent my husband and went home with my
kids, it was nap time).
The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. I know God has made my husband and me for
this type of ministry…but surely he has made others who share this same heart
for the broken, the hurt, the prisoner and the homeless?? Please send them our way…and keep lifting us
up in prayer. We greatly appreciate
those who pray and support us in what we are doing. It means a great deal to us!
